Dead Snow [2009]

A group of friends go to a mountain cabin in Germany for Easter vacation – not if zombie Nazi’s have anything to say about it.

This movie seems like a good idea – you take any concept these days throw some zombies into it – and most studios will make it – but if you have Nazi zombies? Well, that’s bound to be a classic, right?

CONCEPTS AREN’T MOVIES!

If you aren’t even going to bother with writing a script that has any intelligence to it – why bother? Make a 10 minute YouTube video – and stretch your 2 minute plot out there.

It didn’t take long for this movie to beg me to hate it. Why? Movie guy! Why do horror films feel the need to actually have that movie nerd who wants to talk about horror films in the horror movie? So, are zombies real or fictional in this world that this movie is taking place? You’re watching the same films I am apparently – so you’re killing my suspension of disbelief with every “cute” reference by movie guy.

Make your own movie that the movie incompetent can reference later in their dumbass movie – don’t give yourself props by talking about the difference between the first two Evil Dead’s.

Then – you want to do the clichéd spooky old man who comes by and warns the kids? Fine. Can you please explain to me why he walked THAT long of a distance to spook the kids – and then why he DIDN’T TAKE HIS OWN FUCKING ADVICE?

You want to make a film in the snow? Cool – I like that idea. Here’s the problem – if you are going to have someone abducted – then everyone run out and go “hey where’d they go” – you don’t have to be an expert tracker to know that “they went that-a-way”! It’s called tracks in the snow – look it up.

This movie fails as a comedy – as a horror film – and as anything other than just a fun concept that was pathetically executed. When you find yourself rooting for zombies – or Nazi’s – or zombie Nazi’s - over the main characters you know you are doing something wrong. From a director (Tommy Wirkola) who’s only other credit is a German spoof film – I should’ve known better – Dead Snow doesn’t deserve the 1 out of 5 that it’s getting. This film makes Jesus Franco's Oasis of the Zombies [1983] still the king of zombie Nazi's - though it was one of Franco's lesser works.