Bella [2006]

You know – when the year ends – the decade ends you think back about your favorite movies over that time span. It’s not really THAT important – but as a sense of – “I remember this time span for this particular film/event”. Like the death of Heath Ledger and his amazing performance in The Dark Knight – or you remember that you had a great date seeing a particular film.

Well, you wonder what you ended up missing out on – and you are eventually nudged in the right directions until you find that movie that you somehow overlooked – and you get that great little excitement for finding a “lost” gem.

Being a movie guy – I often wonder if I should ever put out a top 10 or something along those lines – if I haven’t seen everything that I need to debate about to put into a top 10. For instance – I’ve seen a handful of the Academy Award Best Picture nominees – but it’s certainly possible – that one of those that I missed – will end up being even better than the one that I’m rooting for.

I’ve been wondering about this film Bella for quite a while now. I’ve actually had it sitting on my shelf for I don’t know how long – but I borrowed it – and decided that I should eventually give it back. I was assured – that this film is exactly the kind of film that I would love. To be honest – I hear that kind of comment – and I’m almost immediately turned off by it. Unless it’s something that’s screaming “me” – to me – then I almost would prefer never to see it ever – just because if it’s horrible – what does that say about that person’s opinion of me?

Well, I finally got around to watching Bella – and oh my God does it suck!

You get two very likable characters – and what appears to be the unfolding of a fun little story – then here comes the pro-life dildo to RAM YOU IN THE ASS! Not that I dislike this film because it’s pro-life – every filmmaker has a point of view – and that’s great – I am honestly open to many different points of views and willing to ponder many thoughts – but you’ve got to come at it with at least a little bit of subtly. I PROMISE you that if he said "just get an abortion" - I would be equally offended - because of the lack of film subtly. It's a fucking movie - events and realizations should unfold - not be dictated to you.

So, the female character finds out she’s pregnant – she’s upset – and not wanting to have the child. She tells the male character – who’s all Jesus beard and whom she barely knows – but it doesn’t stop him from getting upset. So, they both leave work to spend the day together – and they are riding on the train having a good conversation he says “what about adoption?” out of nowhere – and it turns her off and makes me think “well that was an awkward moment”.

Then later – he brings her over for dinner – and everybody’s laughing having a great conversation – having a good time everything is so light and funny – and Mom says “you know we adopted one of our boys?” – out of the blue killing the momentum of the film’s whimsy.

Why not just fill out the fucking adoption papers for her? You barely know her – but you want to get all “I’m Jesus – blah blah blah – do what I say because I accidently killed a kid” – oh snap! I let the cat out of the bag. Jesus beard killed a kid by accident – and so it becomes obvious that since he suddenly takes interest in this girl who’s pregnant that he wants to raise up that kid... So, he’s doing it all for his own selfish reasons anyway! Not even just for some fucking pro-life message – for some heavy handed bullshit self-redemption reasons.

Then they play up some kind of gravitas towards the end where it’s been 7 years or something (they don’t tell you) – and we see Jesus beard playing with a kid on the beach – and the girl riding around in a cab – and they meet up and she looks a the kid and starts balling... Come on! We figured this out 45 minutes ago – there’s no more power in this scene! After the first “what about adoption” bullshit awkward question that comes out of nowhere – you should’ve realized that Jesus beard had ulterior motives.

Let me reiterate – I have no problem with the film being pro-life – I just wish they wouldn’t use a clown hammer to drive in the point. This film reminds me of Crash – I even think they pulled a cut scene from Crash in some off-key heavy handed white guy versus Chinese guy convenience store “oh it was all just a big misunderstanding” scene.

1 out of 5 – it could’ve been an enjoyable film if they just were subtle – but I can’t give it any higher marks because it did in fact piss me off - that is all.

[directed by Alejandro Gomez Monteverde]