Top 6 Favorite Films of 2011

Screw what that other guy said yesterday – I’m going to put up my TOP 6 favorite films of the year because I feel like it! Why should it be just 5? I can stretch it out to be 10 if I wanted to add in a few other titles – but I want to just put down my absolute favorites of the year – not just the movies I liked. I liked X-Men: First Class, I liked The Ides of March, I liked The Muppets, I liked Super 8 – if you feel the need to make it a full round 10 – but below are the movies that I give a solid 5 outta 5 – not an iffy 5 outta 5 – or a hesitant 5 outta 5 – or a drunk 5 outta 5 – below are my only real 5 outta 5 films of 2011.

#6. Super – what I really liked about Super was that it didn’t let down at what it was advertised as – it was a dark comedy involving topics and situations that you wondered if you should laugh at – disturbing and graphic – tragic and funny – the heart ultimately is to save himself he must save the girl – there’s something wonderful about that to me

#5. Rise of the Planet of the Apes – great performances – solid effects – and a truly believable story of the scientist who sets in motion the end of the world at the hands of the apes – Andy Serkis was outstanding as Caesar blending in a mind boggling way the differences between what is ape and what is human in the performance

#4. Win-Win – Thomas McCarthy’s knack for turning what could be a depressing topic and finding the human spirit that lifting out the optimism without forcing it – this time with a displaced kid who’s looking for the home he never had and the coach/lawyer who was looking for inner strength but not knowing where to find it

#3. Source Code – what stuck with me about Source Code ever since I made it the first film I saw in the theater this year – was the optimism – science fiction tends to lean toward the loss of humanity and the hopeless struggle of it all – but with Source Code the idea of the hopeless struggle and pulling victory out of the jaws of defeat was so wonderfully conceived and executed
#2. 50/50 – a pleasant surprise – figuring I was in for a raunchy stoner comedy (thanks to Seth Rogen) but turned out to be a true comedy with some heart – laughing at the face of tragedy – no cheese – just great performances – the strength of the script – the fact that it never discounted the situation but never used it to drag the viewer down – it wasn’t just a “cancer comedy” – it was more of a true to life cancer story #1. Drive – intense, atmospheric, mesmerizing action, pitch perfect acting – Drive kept my excitement up well after I saw it – thinking about scenes – thinking about the execution – thinking about so many aspects – it’s the mark of a great film the resonance of it well after watching it – still feeling that atmosphere lost in questions and memories of it

100 Cult Films - NPR List

NPR just posted this list - now there are somethings I LOVE about this list - Fulci, Franco, Dargento, Jack Hill, Romero, Waters, Ed Wood Jr... Django... Daughters of Darkness... Mixed in with some real modern cult films like early Peter Jackson and Terry Gilliam... But then Wizard of Oz? Star Wars? Lord of the Rings? Cultish like following - certainly - but "cult films"? Huh? I guess I don't get what or why people lump VERY POPULAR movies in with "cult films".

It feels backwards in that aspect - but it's wonderful to see a "cult film" list that features some of my favorites. Might even inspire me to write something for this blog (been in a major funk - if you couldn't tell)

Top 100 Cult Films

Source: "100 Cult Films" by Ernest Mathijs and Xavier Mendik

2001: A Space Odyssey, Stanley Kubrick, 1968

Akira, Katsuhiro Otomo, 1988

Angel of Vengeance, Abel Ferrara, 1981

Bad Taste, Peter Jackson, 1987

Baise-moi, Virginie Despentes, Coralie Trinh Thi, 2000

Begotten, E. Elias Merhige, 1991

Behind the Green Door, Artie Mitchell, Jim Mitchell, 1972

La belle et la bête, Jean Cocteau, 1946

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, Russ Meyer, 1970

The Big Lebowski, Joel Coen, Ethan Coen, 1998

Blade Runner, Ridley Scott, 1982

Blue Sunshine, Jeff Lieberman, 1978

Brazil, Terry Gilliam, 1985

Bride of Frankenstein, James Whale, 1935

The Brood, David Cronenberg, 1979

Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari, Robert Wiene, 1920

Café Flesh, Stephen Sayadian, 1982

Cannibal Holocaust, Ruggero Deodato, 1979

Casablanca, Michael Curtiz, 1942

Un chien andalou, Luis Buñuel, Salvador Dalí,1928

Coffy, Jack Hill, 1973

Daughters of Darkness, Harry Kümel, 1971

Dawn of the Dead, George A. Romero, 1978

Deadly Weapons, Doris Wishman, 1974

Debbie Does Dallas, Jim Clark, 1978

Deep Red, Dario Argento, 1975

Dirty Dancing, Emile Ardolino, 1987

Django, Sergio Corbucci, 1966

Donnie Darko, Richard Kelly, 2001

Don't Torture a Duckling, Lucio Fulci, 1972

Edward Scissorhands, Tim Burton, 1990

Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, Aristide Massaccesi, 1977

Emmanuelle, Just Jaeckin, 1974

Enter the Dragon, Robert Clouse, 1973

Eraserhead, David Lynch, 1977

The Evil Dead, Sam Raimi, 1981

Fight Club, David Fincher, 1999

Flaming Creatures, Jack Smith, 1963

Freak Orlando, Ulrike Ottinger, 1981

Freaks, Tod Browning, 1932

Ginger Snaps, John Fawcett, 2000

The Gods Must Be Crazy, Jamie Uys, 1981

Godzilla, Ishirô Honda, 1954

The Harder They Come, Perry Henzell, 1972

Harold and Maude, Hal Ashby, 1971

Häxan, Benjamin Christensen, 1922

Hellraiser, Clive Barker, 1987

The Holy Mountain, Alejandro Jodorowsky, 1973

The House with the Laughing Windows, Pupi Avati, 1976

I Walked with a Zombie, Jacques Tourneur, 1943

Ichi the Killer, Takashi Miike, 2001

In Bruges, Martin McDonagh, 2008

Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Don Siegel, 1956

Invocation of My Demon Brother, Kenneth Anger, 1969

It's a Wonderful Life, Frank Capra, 1946

The Killer, John Woo, 1989

Lady Terminator, H. Tjut Djalil, 1988

The Lord of the Rings, Peter Jackson, 2001–3

Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, George Miller, 1981

Man Bites Dog, Rémy Belvaux, André Bonzel, Benoît Poelvoorde, 1992

Manos, the Hands of Fate, Harold P. Warren, 1966

The Masque of the Red Death, Roger Corman, 1964

Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, 1975

Near Dark, Kathryn Bigelow, 1987

Nekromantik, Jörg Buttgereit, 1987

Night of the Living Dead, George A. Romero, 1968

Pink Flamingos, John Waters, 1972

Piranha, Joe Dante, 1978

Plan 9 from Outer Space, Ed Wood, Jr, 1959

Re-Animator, Stuart Gordon, 1985

Reefer Madness, Louis Gasnier, 1936

Repo Man, Alex Cox, 1984

Ringu, Hideo Nakata, 1998

The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Jim Sharman, 1975

Rome Armed to the Teeth, Umberto Lenzi, 1976

The Room, Tommy Wiseau, 2003

Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom, Pier Paolo Pasolini, 1975

She Killed in Ecstasy, Jesús Franco, 1971

Showgirls, Paul Verhoeven, 1995

Soul Vengeance, Jamaa Fanaka, 1975

The Sound of Music, Robert Wise, 1965

Star Wars, George Lucas, 1977–2005

Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story, Todd Haynes, 1988

Suspiria, Dario Argento, 1977

Tank Girl, Rachel Talalay, 1995

Tetsuo, Shinya Tsukamoto, 1989

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Tobe Hooper, 1974

This Is Spınal Tap, Rob Reiner, 1984

Thriller: A Cruel Picture, Bo Arne Vibenius, 1974

Thundercrack!, Curt McDowell, 1975

El Topo, Alejandro Jodorowsky, 1970

The Toxic Avenger, Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman, 1984

Two-Lane Blacktop, Monte Hellman, 1971

Two Thousand Maniacs!, Herschell Gordon Lewis, 1964

The Vanishing, George Sluizer, 1988

Videodrome, David Cronenberg, 1983

The Warriors, Walter Hill, 1979

Witchfinder General, Michael Reeves, 1968

Withnail & I, Bruce Robinson, 1987

The Wizard of Oz, Victor Fleming, 1939

Top 5 Revenge Films*

It seems perverse to me to celebrate someone’s death – but I can’t help but feel good that we’ve finally got that asshole. So, with that in mind - I decided to do a top 5 on revenge films - but narrow it to the conclusion of the films; the final acts of vengeance*

I really enjoy me a good revenge film - and I could go up and down my favorite movie list and put down the first 5 revenge films that show up - but some don't seem to have the punctuation that others have. Such as PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE which has a great ending - and I consider a revenge film - but as much as I love the end – it feels anticlimactic in a way. The same goes for OLDBOY – which has a fucking great end – but turns you on your head so badly that it’s hard to say it’s satisfying solely as a revenge film as your focus shifts so much. Also films like SEX & FURY, MAN ON FIRE and KILL BILL – where the build up to the final act far surpasses the ending to a point where as good as it was – you feel a little jipped. Honorable mentions go out too many to mention as revenge classics - though they may or may not fit my criteria.

#5. INGLORIUS BASTERDS [2009, directed by Quentin Tarantino] – Now, I may find this film overly long, overly talkie and self-indulgent to the point of frustration – and even though it’s more of a “men on a mission film” – it really is hard to deny that ending as pure greasy fried delicious vengeance. With two very big Nazi killing porn exclamation points that act as the cherry on top of this sundae. Unlike Tarantino’s DEATHPROOF the ending justifies me wanting to watch all the casual conversation as way of building tension all over again to catch the final acts.


#4. MAD MAX [1979, directed by George Miller] – Long before SAW threw a hacksaw at our feet and told us our options – Max gave us one of the most chilling and most well deserved endings in revenge cinematic history. MAD MAX is also one of the greatest film paradigms of how destructive revenge can be. The once charismatic Max becomes despondent and empty – because the hole that was created by the biker gang that doesn’t fill itself back in once his mission of revenge is complete – as we can tell from the other films in the series. That’s what drives revenge though it’s the emotion of it all – the exacting of it – if we were to know what happens after – would we still do it? In Max’s case – I think he would. And what’s brilliant about the ending is it’s that emotion that’s left in the viewer when Johnny is given his decision – and Max walks back to his car.




#3. THRILLER: A CRUEL PICTURE [1974, directed by Bo Arne Vibenius] – After long, punishing, grueling sequences of repeated abuse, rape and torture – THRILLER gives us every drop of sweet pure revenge – by giving us super slow motion gun fights and action sequences so perverse – it could be viewed as almost as punishing as what she went through – and that would be the point.


#2. LADY VENGEANCE [2005, directed by Chan-wook Park] – Not as action packed as OLDBOY – or even as poignant in the idea that the act of seeking revenge is far more destructive than getting it - but certainly an ending that elicits a certain amount of justifiable satisfaction that OLDBOY doesn’t provide. There’s a certain element of disgust – but the brutality is in many ways left to your imagination – which makes it worse – because you imagine what he deserves and in your own way become a participant in the revenge.




#1. UNFORGIVEN [1992, directed by Clint Eastwood] – My favorite film of all time – but also happens to have my favorite scene of revenge ever put to celluloid. The entire film is in fact a revenge film – where Will, Ned and the kid all go after some cowboys who cut up some prostitutes – but it’s not until the final 20 minutes that the full destructive power and the demon that Will had become shows its face. It’s got the dialogue – it’s got the action – it’s got the bone chilling horror of everything one could ever hope for a scene of pure vengeance to ever witness. What comes walking into that bar to confront Little Bill is no longer of this Earth – its brutality is nothing any human could muster – the fear in the eyes of all the men tell you – the way they run, hide and refuse to shoot – tells you that if they fuck with the devil – the devil will not forget.

100 Reasons Why I Love the Movies

1. The end of any Wes Anderson film where he shows the entire cast in one grand ending scene.

2. “You just shot an unarmed man!” “He should’ve armed himself then.”

3. Watching a film over and over – realizing that I’m not just fascinated by it for seemingly unknown reasons – I’m actually falling in love with it.

4. Jesus Franco’s use of the zoom

5. SAUL!!!

6. Hubcap shaped flying saucers

7. Toshiro Mifune + Akira Kurosawa

8. Well composed cinematography that makes every still shot look great as a stand-alone picture

9. Kermit the Frog riding a bicycle

10. Albert Brooks version of purgatory in DEFENDING YOUR LIFE

11. Indiana Jones brings a pistol to the sword fight

12. The room stretching opening to SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD and how that shot wasn’t CGI

13. The choreography of not only the action but direction and editing of Rieko Ike’s nude sword fight in SEX & FURY

14. Going to an early weekday matinee

15. Ennio Morricone’s score for THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UGLY

16. Steve McQueen’s car skidding out at the end of the chase in BULLIT

17. “I kick arse for the Lord!”

18. Dirty Harry Callahan lecturing his partner about it being wrong to put ketchup on a hot dog

19. Watching older films on the big screen

20. Quoting PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE like I was still 10-years old

21. Dario Argento use of color in SUSPIRIA

22. Grindhouse Experience/Exploitation Cinema double feature DVD releases with the trailers in-between

23. The intensity of Klaus Kinski

24. Ed Wood Jr. explaining his struggle to make PLAN 9 to Orson Welles in ED WOOD

25. Koryu Lee’s inability to save anyone in any of the SISTER STREET FIGHTER films

26. The use of puppets, stop-motion animation and animatronics instead of CGI

27. When actors learn to play an instrument for a role

28. Getting to see the world after the apocalypse

29. Brendan Gleeson

30. Danny Boyle directing and mastering a film from a different genre every film

31. Science fiction with social commentary

32. Christina Lindberg’s outfit in THRILLER

33. When a truly horrible villain gets the gruesome end they deserve

34. B-Movie/Grindhouse film posters

35. Staying up for hours reworking the story of the STAR WARS prequels with my brother

36. The Hoover family and their VW Bus

37. Morgan Freeman’s narration on THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION

38. Finding out Cate Blanchett actually had a speaking role in HOT FUZZ

39. Meiko Kaji

40. Over-the-top Luc Besson action films

41. Mystery Science Theater 3000 commentary tracks

42. “Know why I know this is a shit idea? Because it’s obviously a shit idea!”

43. Figuring out the film half-way through – and being 100% correct – but loving the ride anyway

44. Rooting for the curmudgeon to change his ways

45. Walking into a movie blind and being surprised

46. Filmmakers who take a bleak premise and make you feel optimistic

47. The fantasy worlds of Jim Henson

48. Godzilla stomping on model buildings

49. The drive-in experience

50. 42nd Street Forever DVD’s – two solid hours of exploitation film trailers

51. Whatever Ripley was singing while putting on her space suit at the end of ALIEN

52. Viggo Mortensen

53. The lost goblin in the hallway in TROLL 2

54. The different angles at which you can watch truly great movies and the different metaphors you can spot

55. Orson Welles smashing through the floor to get the camera angle just right for a shot in CITIZEN KANE

56. “Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, no job is too big, no fee is too big!”

57. When someone talks about an obscure movie – and you look at them and say “Oh yeah! I know that one!”

58. The chess scene in the original THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR

59. Countess Nadina sunbathing

60. BLADE RUNNER’s art direction

61. Terry Gilliam’s imagination

62. The fury of Franco Nero

63. “…I will find you and I will kill you.” … “Good luck.”

64. Watching a film with my father

65. Scarlett Johansson

66. Great performances are never lost

67. Denzel Washington in MAN ON FIRE

68. The mud stacking peasants in MONTY PYTHON’S HOLY GRAIL

69. Overly complicated revenge plots – such as putting a bunch of motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane

70. Geum-ja’s pistol

71. The police chief who always curses out the hero cop

72. Weapons hidden in Coffy’s afro

73. The tension built up in the eyes for the duel in the graveyard in THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UGLY

74. How you never want to be X many days from retirement as a cop

75. How the investigation is more interesting than the crimes in ZODIAC

76. When Lars finally met a real girl

77. Any Pixar feature film

78. Movie premise: A world famous bouncer is recruited to clean up a bar

79. Clint riding into town out of the heat waves of the desert

80. Seeing Chicago all over THE DARK KNIGHT

81. Leaving the audience the build up to but not the answer to the last question before the credits roll

82. “This is my boomstick!”

83. The ZOMBIELAND cameo

84. The way Karl talks

85. John Phillip Law’s laugh in SPACE MUTINY

86. “You’re an inanimate fucking object!”

87. The crowd chanting “Mo cuishle”

88. Lina Romay’s smirk

89. Finally having the answer to who would win in a fight between Freddy & Jason

90. Watching people worse off than you or I make it through

91. Films that could only be made outside of Hollywood

92. Stan Winston’s creature shops

93. Bob Hoskin’s uncomfortable car ride in THE LONG GOOD FRIDAY

94. Danny the Dog

95. Pedro Almodovar’s mother issues make great films

96. After our hero is told by everyone they can’t do it – they do

97. The writing and directing of Tom McCarthy

98. Trying to find meaning in the reason why a certain movie is someone’s favorite…

99. …Trying to figure out the deeper meanings as to why my favorite is my favorite

100. Pressing play on what will soon become one of my favorite films

My Favorite Films of 2010

All right – before we all get too excited – I’m probably the least qualified person to come up with a Top 5 list for the past year – thus why I waited so long to post it. Out of the 10 Academy Award nominees for best picture – I’ve seen 5 – don’t even ask about the other categories. So, until I thaw out and get to the theater or some of these films get released and I get them through Netflix – this will be the list. That's not to say I don't stand behind these films - they are all 5-star films - but they happen to be the only 5-star films I've seen of 2010 (as second viewings have not done kindness to other films I considered 5-stars).

#5. The Social Network (directed by David Fincher)

You can see my notes in my review posted sometime this year. In summary – it’s a solid character study – top acting by the lead – interesting story and great direction – worthy of (most) the accolades bestowed on it.

#4. Inception (directed by Christopher Nolan)

Didn’t like this one very much my first viewing – and this is why I don’t generally want to discuss films prior to me seeing them – as I was told that if I blink I will miss too much. I was told that it’s much like PRIMER - I’m sorry that some people feel that way – but it’s no PRIMER. I’m still lost in the maze of PRIMER – but INCEPTION is great in its own right – at its base it’s a highly stylized, high concept, action film wrapped in a puzzle film. So, upon my second viewing – I stopped thinking about it and enjoyed it and really liked it for the film that it is – and will now gladly ponder along with the rest of you.

#3. Winter’s Bone (directed by Debra Granik)

Haven’t seen BLACK SWAN – but how Natalie Portman can be considered the front runner for the awards this season over Jennifer Lawrence in Winter’s Bone is beyond me. Lawrence carries this film – brings so much weight to the character in a brilliant performance. The film impressed me so much with its simplicity of the story but technical merit that – the film flows – never drags – it lets the fine performances guide you through the bleak world of backwoods Arkansas and the crank drug culture – it’s a fine piece of filmmaking.

#2. Toy Story 3 (directed by Lee Unkrich)

The people at Pixar are by far the greatest filmmakers of this generation. This time Woody, Buzz and the gang are struggling with feelings of worthlessness – and the plot cleverly plays on heaven and hell and universal themes that strike into the hearts of everyone. It’s a heavy film yet it doesn’t appear to be – because it doesn’t preach – but it’s deep and meaningful and pulls the heartstrings all while you are rooting on a plastic cowboy. It puts a fine conclusion to probably the greatest film trilogy ever - it has a ton of heart and as always has the clever but not overly childish humor that really puts Pixar so far ahead of any other movie studio out there.

#1. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (directed by Edgar Wright)

In a word: Epic.

Boy meets girl.
Villain tries to stop boy from being with girl.
Boy has to fight and grow as a character to be with the girl.

It’s a universal plot from Greek Myths to video games – the hero and the epic journey is ingrained into storytelling – but it’s all about how you address it. Edgar Wright uses the source material from Bryan Lee O’Malley’s comic books blends video game elements/comic books and uses it as an action/romantic/musical/comedy to make my film of the year. Not only is this film a visual feast (without it being jimmy-rigged into the film to make the elements fit), the music and sound editing was brilliant, the direction is fast paced, the cinematography is everything I hope for in a film (interesting shot in every frame) – but each character is so well defined and well crafted and fully realized in their performance by an apt cast. I’ve watched this film more than a half-dozen times already – and I laugh and get that tingle up my spine every time - certainly one of my most favorite films of all time.

Epic indeed.

Top 5 Worst Movie Roommates

Due to my recent move and the fact that getting a nice place isn't cheap - I considered having a roommate - but decided against it in the same breath. So, considering my reaction to just the thought - I figured I should decide my nightmare roommate from the movies... The obvious serial killers and demons left out - just because you would probably not even have much of a chance making it through the tour of the place before they hack you up. (As well as my nightmare of being trapped in a room with a moose - so moose is excluded...)

#5. Dignan (Bottle Rocket) - Mostly harmless - but the wild imagination of Dignan will probably get you in trouble with the law - plus he'll have your next 50-years planned out in advance for you - which can be a bit of a hassle.

#4. Bill and/or Ted (Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure/Bogus Journey) – They’d probably insist on sharing a bedroom with you – which should be enough – but they are loud and messy and talk like imbeciles (probably because they are).

#3. Eli (Let the Right One In) – Sure she’s got plenty of money to cover rent – but you’ll have to kill people so she can eat – and if you refuse – she’ll guilt you into it.

#2. Gollum (Lord of the Rings) – He doesn’t like your friends coming around, he’ll will eat all your raw meat, he’d keep you up all night talking to himself and the guy is super paranoid – he’s constantly thinking you’ll take his stuff.

#1. Chewbacca (Star Wars) – Trust me, George Lucas has created enough characters that I wouldn’t want to spend 15 minutes with – but share a living space? Well, no one beats Chewbacca. He’ll shed all over everything, probably smells like a wet dog all the time, you can’t carry on any type of conversation with him without him growling (because that’s all he does), he’s got industrial strength space fleas that hide in that walking carpet – and if you ask him to clean up after himself or pay his half of the utilities - he might tear your arms out of their sockets. Though he might know how to fix the air conditioner...

LOST

I had a like – hate relationship with the television show Lost.

I thought it was interesting at times – and at other times it was so vague I barely called it a TV show and would better describe it as a weekly mind fuck. I understand that the show was layered to the point that if I was a casual viewer I’d find it frustrating – and that’s me.

Now, as the show ended this week – and honestly – it was one of the best endings I have seen on a television show. It answered all my thoughts and questions – and now remember back to the show with some kindness. So, today, I wanted to give some movie nods to five of my favorite actors from the show in roles in films I also enjoy.

Naveen Andrews [Planet Terror, 2007]

Emelie de Ravin [Brick, 2005]

Dominic Monaghan [Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring, 2001]

Jeremy Davies [CQ, 2001]

Nestor Carbonell [The Dark Knight, 2008]

Versus!

Dracula vs. Frankenstien

Godzilla vs. King Kong

Alien vs. Predator

Freddy vs. Jason

Monsters vs. Aliens

No doubt – if two things are popular Hollywood will take them and make them compete!

Once the President of Hollywood catches up with this new entry – they will most certainly crown me the King of Hollywood – and you will see my variation on the classic vs. theme films! Though I will probably take the versus films out of the hands of fictional monsters…

Yakuza vs. Warriors of the Apocalypse

The highly stylized well dressed Japanese mafia with their guns and occasional samurai weapons – take on the dirty punk rock warriors who use all sorts of found weaponry and rigged up cars. My conclusion would make the Yakuza stooping down to the Warriors level – after the Warriors dominating them for most of the film – ending in a near draw with heavy losses on both sides – with hopes of a sequel.

Go-Go Dancers vs. Robots

If we all know one thing – Robots hate go-go dancing – so why this film has not been made already – is unclear. Imagine a hip happening dance night club – girls on stage and in cages shaking it all over & everyone’s having a good time – then BOOM – robots invade disintegrating people with their laser beams! Of course the film has to end with the Go-Go Dancers finding the deranged figure behind the robots – and taking him down – and having a big go-go dancing party with the robots that were reprogrammed! Camp classic! (As well as getting the ball rolling on more go-go dancing films)

Biker Gangs vs. Cowboys

Imagine a line of hairy greased up Hell’s Angels swinging chains and aiming shotguns roaring their bikes toward a stampeding row of dusty cowboys yipping and brandishing six-shooters and rifles on charging horses! Epic masterpiece! I know – I’m a fucking genius – that’s why you read this blog! Not only does this film make sense visually – but also thematically as both groups are known for getting all liquored up and getting into barroom brawls.

Knights of the Roundtable vs. the Mad Scientist

A Mad Scientist accidently zaps himself into medieval times – he uses Merlin’s magic and natural curiosity to create an unstoppable shape-shifting blob monster. Merlin and the Knights of the Roundtable must act to stop the Scientist and the creature before the kingdom is in ruin. I see this one ending with a last second twist – that will alter history!

Pirates vs. the Psycho Killers

Unbeknownst to the Captain – they had buried their treasure on an island the Europeans were shipping their mental patients to – and when they return to reclaim their pirate booty – they are met by seemingly harmless – but actually quite deadly psychos! What’s nice about this one is that the mental patients will be able to blend in with the pirates a bit – and the pirates will have to come to grips with their villainy – as the lines blur between who’s who!

To tell you the truth – even though I came up with these off the top of my head – some of these sound like they could be pretty good. It actually scares me a little. I’m not saying these are original ideas – or whatever – but they have potential – and if you put some “creative” minds along with my insane one – you might get something amazing out of some of these.

Any of them you’d watch?

Superbad

It may have felt as though I was picking on Iron Man 2 - but I really wasn't - I was just frustrated with a few of the flaws of the film. If someone was to say that they wanted to see it - I certainly would not tell them that they shouldn't watch it - it's a fun movie. It's certainly not the best superhero movie that I've seen - but it's not the worst - because if you take a look downward - you will see my picks for the worst superhero films that I have sat through.

Blankman [1994, directed by Mike Binder]

I've sat through this one more times than I'd like to admit - thanks to summer vacation, cable and boredom. A simpleton inventor creates bulletproof pajamas - and takes on a crime syndicate in an slapstick superhero romp that's sure to leave you dumbfounded.

Captain America [1990, directed by Alber Pyun]

This film was shot on a tiny budget - and it shows.

Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer [2007, directed by Tim Story]

Both of the F4 films could be in this spot - but this one in particular gets the nod as it made so little sense. The one bonus of this film is that it thankfully killed off this version of the heroes for what is rumored to be an eventual reboot.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army [2008, directed by Guillermo Del Toro]

I've got an idea - let's make a film about a guy in a big red suit whining about his girlfriend issues - and then has to be dragged into most of the action. I know this is probably an unpopular pick - but the first one had such great potential - that this sequel was a waste.

Pumaman [1980, directed by Alberto De Martino]

If I thought Hellboy was whiney - jeesh! An Aztec goes around throwing people out of windows until he finds the fabled Pumaman (a whiney scientist) who then has to save the world from some strange Aztec mask thing. This film was an assault of nonsense - and though it was funny in the wrong ways - it was also aggravating and annoying.

I'm aware of several other really awful superhero films - Daredevil, Elecktra, Batman & Robin, Ghost Rider, the original Fantastic Four film and so forth - but have not been suckered into seeing any of them - so they don't qualify for the list. Others like Meteor Man and Batman Forever were spared mostly because I barely remember watching them - so good for them.

Science Fiction [For Seriously]

I was watching a cooking program - where the designers had to create a 'science fiction' sugar showpiece - and one thing really bothered me - and that was the fact that the judges deemed science fiction to be robots, aliens and outer space.

If you want to be so narrow minded to believe that 'science fiction' is Buck Rogers, Star Trek and Battlefield Earth - that's great - but there's a whole lot of science fiction that has NOTHING to do with those described elements of monsters and space travel. Here's a few of my favorites...

A Clockwork Orange [1971, directed by Stanley Kubrick]

Miscreants who seem helpless to rehabilitation processes - are treated to "aversion therapy".

The Quiet Earth [1985, directed by Geoff Murphy]

A man awakens to discover he's the last person on earth.

Twelve Monkeys [1995, directed by Terry Gilliam]

In a future decimated by disease a "convict" is sent back in time to determine the cause.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind [2004, directed by Michel Gondry]

A couple undergo a procedure to erase each other from their memory.

Children of Men [2006, directed by Alfonso Cuaron]

In the near future - mankind finds itself sterile.

See, no monsters, robots or spaceships - just solid and actual science fiction. Glad I showed that cooking program who's boss!

(I would put Primer [2004] on the list - but after just watching it for the first time over the weekend - I'm still baffled.)