Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Sam Worthington needs your help? Why do you refuse his plea?

Sam Worthington is trying to tell us something – haven’t you noticed? It’s somewhat subtle – but it’s right there for everyone to see. He’s practically begging us to notice – almost pleading with us the movie going audience. He’s trying to say “hey, guys and girls, I don’t belong here – can someone get me back home?”

He’s a lost little lamb – trying to get his way back home. He’s putting on a tough front for all of us to see – but his heart isn’t into making movies – he’s really trying to get back to where he belongs.

Where is home for Sam Worthington? No, it’s not Australia – like people try to convince you. When will you stop being ignorant and stop believing every new actor is from the land down under. So, where is he from? I don’t know – but he’s not from here.

And when I say here – I mean Earth.

Yes, I’m saying it – Sam’s either a time traveler from a distant Earth – or he’s from an entirely different planet all together. I’m 100% confident in this – and if you think I’m joking – you certainly don’t know me very well... I never joke about Sam Worthington. Ever.

How am I sure of this? It’s all over his movies! Or have you not been paying attention to the projects he takes on? Oh, you have been too busy to notice, have you? Well, I have! I’m not sure why YOU wouldn’t. Maybe you’ve got a busy life of doing stuff - and don't have hours and hours to sit and think about these things carefully. I don't know! All I know is I know actors choose their parts very carefully...

Adam Sandler chooses movies so he can get attention because no one would notice him if he wasn’t screaming on a big movie screen. Angelina Jolie chooses her movies so that she can remind everyone how unlucky they are not to be Brad Pitt. Tom Cruise picks movie roles in order to demonstrate how not gay he can play on the big screen. George Clooney chooses his movie roles in order to put his eyebrows to work.

So, in the case of Sam Worthington – he’s making movies to get someone to notice him and realize he needs some help. Well, in case you haven’t noticed – let’s review...

Terminator: Salvation – he plays a convict sent into the future as a part Terminator part human to infiltrate and take down John Connor’s resistance force. He’s lost far away from his familiar home and ends up coming to peace with his new existence and making the best of it – and helps when he has every reason not to help.

Avatar – he plays a marine who is sent in place of his dead twin brother to a planet in order to infiltrate and take down the society of the giant blue people – but ends up finding home and love and makes the best of his new existence – and helps when he has every reason not to help.

Clash of the Titans – he plays a demagogue – part human part god – who is on Earth when he should be living on the top of Olympus with his daddy – but ends up finding home, family and love and makes the best of his new existence – and helps when he has every reason not to help.

Boom! Steak dinner!

He’s trapped here on Earth – please save Sam Worthington! It’s time to do your part in this quest to get Sam home...

Wait... You are asking yourself “why should I help?” – it’s because Sam has brought you BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN ENTERTAINMENT!!!! BILLIONS! That’s far more than your Steve Zahn’s and Ellen Paige’s of the world. MOTHER FUCKING BILLIONS! You profited off his talents for long enough! Time that we help him get back home you greedy fucks!

I have contacted the scientists at the Fermilab and explained that they need to figure out a way to use their giant particle accelerator to crack the time/space plane and get Sam home. They said they will get right on realigning their own “giant project that could help bring answers as to how our universe has come into existence in order to bring some actor (with questionable skill) back home.”

I am thankful for Fermilab's help and hopeful that they will be able to do this quickly and bring Sam back home... Wait... What the fuck? Sam was also the name of the character on Quantum Leap! How could we be so blind? He needs to help us – so we can help him! Quick let him help you do stuff - you never know when his mission will be completed and he'll leap back home!

Here are the ratings for the movies in this entry – Terminator: Salvation (4/5) – Avatar (5/5) – Clash of the Titans (1/5)

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