Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Scrotum [2009]

First off – I really don’t know why Dennis Quaid is in a film called Scrotum? Why this film is even called Scrotum confuses me too. It’s about isolation on a spaceship and the cabin fever madness that they called Pandorum – which I think is a much better name for the film.

The film revolves around two guys – who wake up together in a spaceship and have to determine what’s going on. There seems to be things after them too. It kind of reminds me of Even Horizon and Super Troopers – where there’s people on a spaceship. Much like Solaris or Star Trek – with spaceship.

A spaceship goes through space.

Now, there’s some stuff that happens where they have to reboot the system of the spaceship. It doesn’t make sense as to what they think will happen – but in reality – does it? They should’ve checked the fuses before they left. Spaceships run on fuses. Also, the name of the spaceship Asylum or whatever – is a dumb name – they should’ve named it The Crazy Boat!

That one part was kind of funny where I thought they were going to have to do that one thing – but it turned out they didn’t. Then there was those things that were confusing – and they didn’t explain what was going on with them – and it was stupid.

I like very much how give a woman the need to survive in the face of monsters and she’ll dress in tight fitting leather cleavage boosting outfits. More women need to be faced with monsters in real life. Where do we keep the monsters? We need more leather and cleavage... And go-go dancing. Can all the monsters and girls just start go-go dancing please? I would’ve paid to see her go-go dance. Is there a go-go dancing club around here?

I liked seeing that main actor guy in a main acting role – he’s good at his other stuff where he plays bad guys or whatever he’s done before – I know he’s been in stuff. He should be in even more stuff. Good stuff even. Stuff I might want to see. Dennis Quaid was pretty good too – not as good as he was in that Bonnie Raitt video though where it was the same concept and he was in a different room all the time – not even facing the monsters – or Bonnie Raitt in this case.

There’s that one thing that I couldn’t disagree with more – but I’m sure in the future when we have to do all this stuff we’ll figure that one out. Since I figured it out now – maybe I should put it down here so they can go through my blog and find out and not have this problem in the future. Here it is – spaceships should have thicker glass – maybe bulletproof – maybe some kind of future resin that’s really super strong. I would also recommend that you used plenty of batteries – just in case. The wind-up control panels were a good touch though – I wouldn’t have thought of that – but I’m glad you did.

What this movie needs is Giovanni Ribisi – since he’s what made Avatar the best. Imagine if he came in and Ribisi’ed it up – and then you wouldn’t have needed that one guy who looked like Hayden Christiansen who needs to be shot out an airlock. I don’t care. Shut up. I figured it out long time before that so shut up. Don’t make me get the ice cream scoop!

I’m giving this film 3 out of 5 stars because it’s not going to get 5 and 4 seems generous considering there was stuff that made me dribble beer down my chin and pause the movie and clean up – but it kept me entertained sufficiently for the required amount of time – I could’ve given it 2 but I didn’t get mad at the movie enough and 1 is reserved for films that piss me off so much that I get pissed off.

PS: All spaceships need a kung-fu guy – any new film with spaceships that do not have kung-fu guy will be judged harshly as such.


  1. "I like very much how give a woman the need to survive in the face of monsters and she’ll dress in tight fitting leather cleavage boosting outfits."

    I think it gives the monsters a sense of their own inferiority, and gives the woman a psychological edge. Plus monsters are fairly primal creatures, and they tend to get distracted by the cleavage. Well I get distracted by the cleavage, so I'm assuming the monsters do as well.

  2. I'm sorry did you say cleavage? I'm still distracted... Well, my fellow monster, I believe you're onto something!