Z is for... [part 2]

If there's been a zombie apocalypse and you're road-tripping alone though the wasteland, you could do worse than run into Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a bourbon-swilling bad-boy butt-kicker with a really cool car. This is where the careful hero of Zombieland, a kid nicknamed Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), finds himself early in the film, and you can hardly blame him for hitching a ride with this swaggering Alpha Male. Still, they have their hands full not only with gibbering zombies but also with two sisters (Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin) who will stop at nothing to reach a Disneyland-like amusement park in L.A. Although Zombieland gets off to a rocky start with Columbus's overly-cute narration (he's got a list of rules for surviving in the zombie world), it settles into an amusing comedy, regularly interrupted by bouts of blood-letting. The road-trip stuff is enough fun that when the movie does arrive at its version of Disneyland, the air goes out of it a little; sure, there's a giant zombie blowout, with entrails flying, but it's not quite the same. Director Ruben Fleischer keeps the gags coming, although the movie is often funnier in its odd little asides (both Eisenberg and Harrelson are expert at this) than in its official jokes. Comic high point: an interlude at the home of a very famous movie star, who plays himself--and we'll leave the spoiler unspoiled, in case anybody hasn't heard about this funny extended cameo. (synopsis provided by Amazon.com)

released 2009

directed by Ruben Fleischer

Q is for... [part 2]

At exactly 6:12 am, government research scientist Zac Hobson (a powerhouse performance by Bruno Lawrence of SMASH PALACE and UTU) awakens to discover that he may be the last man on earth: homes, highways and entire cities are deserted. Empty planes have fallen from the sky. Every living thing has disappeared. But for Hobson, the ultimate shock is still to come months later when he finds that he is not alone. With the addition of a beautiful young woman (Alison Routledge) and a Maori trucker (Pete Smith), the apocalypse suddenly becomes very

personal. What has happened to everyone else on the planet? Why has Zac himself survived? Will sexual tension lead to sudden violence? And what is the ultimate responsibility for a man of science when the end of the world may be just the beginning? (synopsis provided by Amazon.com)

released 1985

directed by Geoff Murphy

Hardware [1990]

In a post-apocalyptic wasteland – a scavenger brings a busted up android head to his girlfriend for use in her art – but it turns out the head isn’t dead – and that’s no maintenance bot!


The film started off with some potential – though it was quite dated. You know the kind of film – where the apocalypse happened in the 1980’s – and style hasn’t matured since or you know... changed due to atmospheric necessity. Yet, if it was just fashion – then we’d be fine – but the issues with the film went far deeper.


Conversation mostly revolved around filling in backstory of the reality of their world – which ruined quite a bit of the believability of the film. I think in the future with the sky red and world turned to shit – everyone would probably be used to it and casual conversation would continue like normal. Even after the most dramatic scene – instead of everyone looking around and being thankful and hugging – they began a heated argument about how evil the government is by creating that robot! Whoa! Hold the social commentary until the end of the film lady!


I did not care for the many false endings – the appearing and disappearing characters – the characters at large were uninteresting at best. The robot was interesting – but there seemed to be a few plot holes that I wish were addressed. Like if the robot was capable of recharging itself from almost any power source (like the sun – a example given in the film) and is capable of rebuilding itself – how come it didn’t do so while in the desert surrounded by its dismembered body parts? I hear it’s quite sunny in the desert at times. Or if you’re saying the red sky prevents the sun from coming in – then why make a robot that can be solar charged?


Toward the middle and end of the film – it just got tedious. Why was the robot taking its sweet ass time? It’s trapped in a small apartment with only one victim to kill – why just hang out? Her back is turned! Go get her! Why did the robot feel it needed to mutilate that one body? Robots aren’t sadistic – they are programmed to build cars, wash dishes, kill all humans or be sex toys. Why did the film try to get all surreal toward the end? It seemed like a straight forward robot killing machine film – why mess with that? It doesn’t fit – and felt tacked on in order to fill space and to fill in gaps in backstory.


I hated the voyeur pervert neighbor – and his stupid face – and his stupid song. Hate.


I did like the cameos from Iggy Pop as Angry Bob – Lemmy as the taxi driver – and them pimping their own music from The Stooges and Motorhead – as the characters. I liked the odd environments (felt like cheap Blade Runner sets) – and the drawn out sex scene – as well as the robot’s drill penis.


Overall – the film had too many things wrong with it in the direction department – otherwise the flaws I listed up above probably wouldn’t be that big of a problem to me. Hell, I like much worse films! NO! I LOVE much worse films! But the difference is – there’s energy to those films – they don’t pretend to be anything but they are not. They don’t go from straight action nonsense to – oh you’re tripping balls for a few minutes so we can fit in some plot points – back to watch out for the robot penis!


I’m giving it a 2 out of 5 – because it wasn’t redeemable enough.


directed by Richard Stanley

D is for... [part 2]

Loud, violent, and proudly derivative, the post-apocalyptic action-thriller Doomsday is the latest from UK cult director Neil Marshall, who impressed horror fans with his previous efforts, Dog Soldiers and The Descent. Both pictures established Marshall as a director with a knack for reinventing well-worn genre pictures, but here, he seems more interested in stitching together favorite scenes and elements from established horror and science-fiction films. Escape from New York is the main source for Doomsday, though there are plenty of nods to The Road Warrior and its multitude of Italian-made carbon copies, as well as the zombie/plague subgenre; the lovely but impassive Rhona Mitra is the Snake Plissken-esque loner sent by police (represented by Bob Hoskins) to infiltrate Scotland, which has descended into anarchy following a viral outbreak. The disease has surfaced in London (now a walled city), and Mitra is dispatched to find a scientist who may possess a cure. Marshall's vision of Scotland in ruins brings together the punk/modern primitive costume design of George Miller's Mad Max trilogy with some eclectic homegrown elements (knights on horseback defending a gang leader's castle), and while these touches are novel, the picture as a whole should ring overly familiar to any viewer who's spent time in the exploitation trenches during the past 25 years. Younger and less discerning audience members will undoubtedly enjoy the plentiful violence and gore, as well as the unbridled performances of the supporting cast, especially stuntwoman/actress Lee-Ann Liebenberg as the heavily tattooed Viper. (synopsis provided by Amazon.com)

directed by Neil Marshall

released 2008

# is for... [part 2]

The director/producer team that created Trainspotting turn their dynamic cinematic imaginations to the classic science fiction scenario of the last people on Earth. Jim (Cillian Murphy) wakes up from a coma to find London deserted--until he runs into a mob of crazed plague victims. He gradually finds other still-human survivors (including Naomie Harris), with whom he heads off across the abandoned countryside to find the source of a radio broadcast that promises salvation. 28 Days Later is basically an updated version of The Omega Manand other post-apocalyptic visions; but while the movie may lack originality, it makes up for it in vivid details and creepy paranoid atmosphere. 28 Days Later's portrait of how people behave in extreme circumstances--written by novelist Alex Garland (The Beach)--will haunt you afterward. Also featuring Brendan Gleeson (The General, Gangs of New York) and Christopher Eccleston (Shallow Grave, The Others). (synopsis provided by Amazon.com)

directed by Danny Boyle

released 2002

# is for...

Inspired by Chris Marker's acclaimed short film La Jetée (which is included on the DVD Short 2: Dreams), 12 Monkeys combines intricate, intelligent storytelling with the uniquely imaginative vision of director Terry Gilliam. The story opens in the wintry wasteland of the year 2035, where a virulent plague has forced humans to live in a squalid, oppressively regimented underground. Bruce Willis plays a societal outcast who is given the opportunity to erase his criminal record by "volunteering" to time-travel into the past to obtain a pure sample of the deadly virus that will help future scientists to develop a cure. But in bouncing from 1918 to the early and mid-1990s, he undergoes an ordeal that forces him to question his own perceptions of reality. Caught between the dangers of the past and the devastation of the future, he encounters a psychiatrist (Madeleine Stowe) who is initially convinced he's insane, and a wacky mental patient (Brad Pitt in a twitchy Oscar-nominated role) with links to a radical group that may have unleashed the deadly virus. Equal parts mystery, tragedy, psychological thriller, and apocalyptic drama, 12 Monkeys ranks as one of the best science fiction films of the '90s, boosted by Gilliam's visual ingenuity and one of the finest performances of Willis's career. (synopsis provided by Amazon.com)

directed by Terry Gilliam

released 1995

Doomsday [2008]

To cap off my week of actual solid reviews – and not mini-reviews and bluster – I present to you a marquee review for a film that at certain points I couldn’t shut up about.

A plague has taken over Scotland – and the British decide to just build a high security fence and forget about the diseased people. Twenty-something years later – the plague is reemerging in London – in hopes of finding a cure – they send a super agent Sinclair and a squad of grunts into Scotland hoping that they somehow solved the problem – or left clues as to a cure - after the fence was sealed off. She’s given 48 hours to find a cure – or die with everyone else in the plague.

Let’s get the bad out of the way. There’s a transport tank-thingy and it’s supposedly got some really thick bulletproof glass – and one of the punk rocker survivors breaks it with a bottle. That’s it. The rest is made of pure awesome.

The director Neil Marshall knows what it takes to make a good horror film – as he’s proven it with Dog Soldiers and The Descent – and with Doomsday he proves he knows what it takes to make a great action film. He’s got a criminally overlooked talent for composing shots to give you something interesting to see with every frame. He gives you the best angle – not the stylishly hip cool ‘look at me’ angle – he gives you the best angle to see what’s happening. With CGI – this skill is probably not one people look for in a director – as you can always “fix” shots after the fact – but Marshall has done a pretty good job making films using old school techniques – and not relying on CGI.

As far as plot – it’s a standard action set-up. Here’s a timeframe that something must be done and here’s the reason why it needs to be done with such urgency – it’s short simple and easy to understand. The film doesn’t try to be complex or vague or have a ton of intrigue – it’s not one of those kind of films – it’s boldly called DOOMSDAY because it’s meant to be blatant, loud and in your face.

The acting is fantastic throughout the entire cast. Rhona Mitra is equally sexy, tough and believable as a super agent Sinclair - she’s got a boiling intensity to her that works really well. Bob Hoskins as her handler – is perfect in a surly growling performance that reminds you of The Long Good Friday. Malcolm McDowell is as scene chewing as ever as the “king” of one of the two surviving groups in Scotland. David O’Hara as the tall dark and evil government man is pitch perfect the way you want your uptight bureaucratic arseholes in these sort of films.

Then the biggest acting nod goes to Craig Conway as Sol. This would be a career making performance for some – he steals almost every scene. His shtick as leader of the punk-rock cannibals is to be loud, crass and strangely charismatic. He shouts, dances and punches his way into my heart – and is the cherry on top of this film. The film would only be very good in my mind if not for Conway’s performance and intensity.

It’s hard to describe how well done the action in this film. It’s chalk full of chases, fights and all the essential elements that a growing boy needs. It’s has what I like to call ‘ultra-violence’ – where it’s not necessarily blood and guts all over – but just hard over the top unflinching action.

I can’t ever see it being proclaimed an original film – so everybody can drop those preconceptions that films have to be original to be good. I look at this film as a tribute to the post-apocalyptic action films of the 80’s – namely John Carpenter’s Escape series & the Mad Max films. It pays tribute by NOT goofing on them or by giving a winking and a nod – it accomplishes its tribute by just delivering. It’s a simple concept that’s done far less in Hollywood than it should be – and that’s yet another reason why this film rules them all. It’s not a Hollywood film – it was partially funded by the Scottish film board – and shot far away from Hollywood in England, Scotland and South Africa.

As the writer, editor and director of the film - Neil Marshall - said in an interview about Doomsday “it’s so outrageous you’ve got to laugh” – and I agree completely – as it’s that outrageousness that makes me love it – and over look certain flaws and plot holes - and give it a perfect 5 out of 5.

Strangely enough, this is one of those films I do not recommend to people – as it’s obvious to them that they would enjoy it or not enjoy it – so I don’t push. Take a look at any of the screenshots – and think to yourself if you can deal with a film that’s as blatant as that – and you’ll know if you will like it or dislike it. It’s that simple.

Zombieland [2009]

I was hesitant to see Zombieland in the theater – as it looked like it’d either be really good – or dreadfully bad. Sometimes those stylized “hip at the time” kind of films – especially comedies - can lead you in with it’s sweet promises – only for you to walk out cursing that you were duped again.

The United States has been overrun by zombies. An overly cautious boy named Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) meets a violent Twinkie obsessed guy named Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson)– they join up to travel and to survive. They meet a girl named Wichita (Emma Stone) and her younger sister named Little Rock (Abigail Breslin)– and a cat and mouse chase develops.

This film tries to have some varying themes and zombie like messages – but that’s coated so very thin – that it’s almost not worth mentioning. The main theme would probably be the detachment of people from each other – given the fact that Columbus was basically a shut-in – and they all call themselves by the town they grew up in – in order not to get too attached to one another.

The film is pretty much all fun and zombie killing from there. It provides some VERY solid laughs – some good zombie kills – and a special cameo that was quite satisfying. The movie felt like a video game at times – which is fine – but it does lack substance for it.

Everybody was as good as can be expected in their respective parts – with a special nod to Woody Harrelson who hits a big home run in the role of Tallahassee. The performances – really don’t equate into the liking of the film – you just basically don’t want to follow around a bunch of unlikable characters – so as long as the parts are written right – there’s no problems.

As Columbus ticks off his “rules to survive” there’s graphics showing up on the screen – and demonstrations of what he’s talking about. The graphics don’t added or detracted from my personal enjoyment of the film – but in other films I know it’s really gotten to me. Don’t try and be too cute or try to bee too cool “look at us” – or else I’ll turn off right away.

There's plot holes the size of something very big and there’s a couple of really stupid decisions made my some of the characters – that you just want to shout at the screen and ask “why?” – but it’s no more dumb than giant robots who can transform into stuff in order to hide in plain site but not transforming when they need to because they want to play peek-a-boo around the corner of a fucking house while that stupid fucking kid is having some inane conversation with his dumber than rocks family in that one really fucking stupid film that makes me want to punch myself in the head over and over and over and over... Sorry.

Zombieland is fun – just plain fun – I won’t tell you to turn off your mind and enjoy it because life doesn’t work that way – but if you want to watch it I won’t tell you not to – if you are on the fence I would give you a nudge toward the ‘watch it’ side – if you have no interest I won’t tell you you’re missing a lot. In my book - Woody and the cameo make it worth it - I’m giving it a solid 4 out of 5.

The Book Of Eli [2010]

People who know me – or even have found my movie blog know I have a bit of a thing for post-apocalyptic films (see Doomsday banner up top). I’m also a big fan of Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman – so The Book Of Eli is bound to get a fab review. That’s my story – and here’s my take.

Denzel plays a “nameless” wanderer through the post-apocalyptic world – he’s headed west. He has several nightmarish encounters – and the most lasting is his stop in a small town that is ruled by a book obsessed man named Carnegie (played by Oldman). Carnegie’s men try and accost the wanderer – in your traditional western – let’s beat-up on the new guy dick measuring contest – and get their asses handed to them. This prompts Carnegie to try and recruit the wanderer – only to discover that the wanderer had more than might – he has the book he’s been after all these years.

I don’t want to give away any twists – but from what I’ve read about the advertising (which I don’t keep up with) and the probability that you’re reading this blog (which is rare) – it shouldn’t really shock you to find out that the book is the King James Bible. Carnegie wants it to rule his people – and start a frenzied religious “cult” to bend to his will. The wanderer (who’s name is Eli – which I guess isn’t that big of a twist since his name is in the title) asks his faith to guide him to a place where the book is needed.

Let’s start off with acting – which I found superb. Denzel when given a role he can do something with – is always fantastic. He pulls off the action and the drama of his character with the skill one would expect from a two-time Academy Award winner. Oldman can chew the scenery with the best of them – and in this role he is outstanding – he’s given plenty of scenery to gnaw and an adept supporting cast to play off of.

The influence of the spaghetti-western genre is strong within this film – and I would argue that with Clint Eastwood killing the traditional western (in Unforgiven) that the post-apocalyptic genre is the new western genre. There’s a real sense of a figure in space with a great sense of composition. It reminded me a lot of The Good, The Bad & The Ugly – where you were either miles away or right in the face of the subject. There is some more stylized action oriented computer helped shots – that work better in this film than I’ve seen in many lesser action films.

The plot is faith versus faith – the just versus the corrupt versions of faith. You get a snake oil salesman in every religion – who twist the words to use them for their own glory and justifications. You don’t need me to explain this – but that’s the main theme.

Lest I forget to mention – it’s an post-apocalyptic film that reminds me both of my favorite video game Fallout 3 (with its somewhat biblical themes at times it felt like a side quest) and one of my favorite films of the last decade Doomsday. There are gun fights, knife fights, explosions, car chases, cannibals, punk-rock wastelanders, and sweet sweet ultra-violence. The scenery of the wastes was brilliant – I wanted to see more – and though there’s hint of a sequel – I would be surprised if it happened.

There’s some nit-picky kind of items that I’ve noticed that a lot of people take real issue with – but given the fact that you can choose to dwell on those minor issues – or blow them up to be as important as the actual plot, acting and direction of the film is a ludicrous act. It never ceases to amaze me how these nit-picks don’t come out and use their fine-tooth comb to take apart their favorite summer blockbusters – that typically have much bigger issues – but will take issue with other films.

Yes, Eli has an MP3 player that he constantly recharges – that’s at least 30-years old and my iPod battery barely holds a charge after a couple years – plot point? Nope. Yes, Eli has very nice teeth for someone wandering the wastes – plot point? Nope. Yes, Mila Kunis looks amazing for someone who’s been raised in the post-apocalyptic era – plot point? Nope. Go ahead let these little things ruin your movie watching experience – no skin off my ass.

The only thing I wanted to do at the end of this film was to watch it again – as I felt like I wanted to do some fact checking knowing the full story. After my first viewing though I’ve decided it was as near a perfect film as I like to watch – and am giving it somewhere between 4 and 5 stars – which I usually round up.