High Snobbery!

Would you describe yourself as a movie snob?

Would you describe me as a movie snob?

Do you take it as a compliment being considered a movie snob?

By rule can a movie snob like all sorts of films - everything from lowbrow to high art?

Rant: IMDB

I fucking HATE the Internet Movie Database (IMDB).

I steer clear of the IMDB like it was that sloppy drunk friend who never ceases to embarrass you no matter where you are at – and how many drinks they’ve had. I still frequent the site for the basic information on a movie – because there’s no still no better place (to my knowledge).

The reviews are an embarrassment. If I ran the site – in order to post something you must have watched it – therefore there would be a quiz or something proving that you’ve watched it. Actually – I wouldn’t allow user reviews – there’s many sites that offer that – I would ONLY offer published critics reviews – and make them historical.

The comment/thread section is filled with ignorance and frustration. Reading some of the comments calling for death to people who like specific films – or having a profile that can be referenced and liking or disliking a certain film – immediately discredits people’s opinions. If I ran the site – that section would be gone – there’s never anything of any use ever in those sections.

It’s filled with pop-up ads. It disguises links to blogs as featured news articles. It panders to the big studios instead of bringing light to films of all kinds. It withholds information for a “subscription fee” – and just like internet porn that does the same – there’s other places in the entire inter-verse to get what you want – so why make people pay?

IMDB is a place that wants to be interactive – but shouldn’t.

IMDB should be an encyclopedia on film – but it isn’t.

IMDB is a pathetic and horrible place – and I encourage you to avoid it as well.

The Great Silence [1968]

A continuation from yesterday's post - about my favorite westerns. I've still got a few westerns that I want to see (the most notable being Keoma & Death Rides a Horse) - but this is my other favorite western not starring Clint Eastwood.

Django [1966]

Playing the new Red Dead Redemption - has made me really want to come up with a list of my favorite Westerns to share with you. The problem soon becomes - I dig only a few westerns - and that's either because they are a anti-western or because they lack that certain machismo that turned me off the westerns growing up.

Was never a fan of John Wayne or John Ford - and I never saw the appeal of Kevin Costner - and if I keep going there won't be anything left to pick from for a list. My list would contain 3/5 Clint Eastwood to two parts films directed by Sergio Corbucci - and there's really no point in making and sharing a list like that. So, I'll share this instead...

Crazy Heart [2009]

The story of an old drunk country musician who’s slowly fading into obscurity and has pretty much given up on it all – is somewhat brought back to life when he meets a young reporter.

I quite liked this film – though it’s a film about musicians we’ve all seen before – but it’s still full of its own certain complexities that make Crazy Heart an interesting film. I quite liked the idea that even though Bad Blake (Jeff Bridges) has been passed by his protégé – they’ve still got a pretty good relationship. This film could’ve easily failed if it wasn’t for the healthy respect shown by Colin Farrell’s Tommy Sweet character. I mean if Bad was a joke to everyone except his new muse – Maggie Gyllenhaal’s Jane character it’d be less believable that even if you know the man behind all of the drunkenness and crassness of Bad – is someone to root for.

The music was top notch – I dug Ryan Bingham’s cameo – the man who wrote the Academy Award winning song (he’s an excellent artist – can’t get enough of his latest album Roadhouse Sun – check it out).

Ultimately though – all you really need to know about the film is that Bad Blake is a drunk and has reasons to stop being a drunk – and you get the picture of the film – and pretty much it’s all a construct (though a very well made construct) for Jeff Bridges performance as Bad Blake. It’s enjoyable – it’s got humor – well paced and well acted – but wrought with Hollywood drama fodder that you’ve kind of got to be in the mood to be dragged through. I’m giving Crazy Heart a 4 out of 5 – because I was in the mood – I could see giving it less but not more.

[directed by Scott Cooper]

The Great Panda Movie Conspiracy

I believe there’s a conspiracy out there for every year to have a film that somehow involves Pandas.

A couple years ago there was Kung-Fu Panda – just last year there was Pandorum – which is almost spelled like “panda” - and what was the name of the planet in Avatar? Pandora? Lest we forget, in 1995 there was the The Amazing Panda Adventure – and though this conspiracy is being hidden from the likes of us from the IMDB - I’m confident I remember some kind of panda based films every year - big name ones too... Didn't Keanu Reeves star in one? Yeah, I'm sure he did!

Keep an eye out for more panda films coming out in 2010 - and I'll keep an eye on 2011.

We're watching you Dennis Quaid!!!!

Versus!

Dracula vs. Frankenstien

Godzilla vs. King Kong

Alien vs. Predator

Freddy vs. Jason

Monsters vs. Aliens

No doubt – if two things are popular Hollywood will take them and make them compete!

Once the President of Hollywood catches up with this new entry – they will most certainly crown me the King of Hollywood – and you will see my variation on the classic vs. theme films! Though I will probably take the versus films out of the hands of fictional monsters…

Yakuza vs. Warriors of the Apocalypse

The highly stylized well dressed Japanese mafia with their guns and occasional samurai weapons – take on the dirty punk rock warriors who use all sorts of found weaponry and rigged up cars. My conclusion would make the Yakuza stooping down to the Warriors level – after the Warriors dominating them for most of the film – ending in a near draw with heavy losses on both sides – with hopes of a sequel.

Go-Go Dancers vs. Robots

If we all know one thing – Robots hate go-go dancing – so why this film has not been made already – is unclear. Imagine a hip happening dance night club – girls on stage and in cages shaking it all over & everyone’s having a good time – then BOOM – robots invade disintegrating people with their laser beams! Of course the film has to end with the Go-Go Dancers finding the deranged figure behind the robots – and taking him down – and having a big go-go dancing party with the robots that were reprogrammed! Camp classic! (As well as getting the ball rolling on more go-go dancing films)

Biker Gangs vs. Cowboys

Imagine a line of hairy greased up Hell’s Angels swinging chains and aiming shotguns roaring their bikes toward a stampeding row of dusty cowboys yipping and brandishing six-shooters and rifles on charging horses! Epic masterpiece! I know – I’m a fucking genius – that’s why you read this blog! Not only does this film make sense visually – but also thematically as both groups are known for getting all liquored up and getting into barroom brawls.

Knights of the Roundtable vs. the Mad Scientist

A Mad Scientist accidently zaps himself into medieval times – he uses Merlin’s magic and natural curiosity to create an unstoppable shape-shifting blob monster. Merlin and the Knights of the Roundtable must act to stop the Scientist and the creature before the kingdom is in ruin. I see this one ending with a last second twist – that will alter history!

Pirates vs. the Psycho Killers

Unbeknownst to the Captain – they had buried their treasure on an island the Europeans were shipping their mental patients to – and when they return to reclaim their pirate booty – they are met by seemingly harmless – but actually quite deadly psychos! What’s nice about this one is that the mental patients will be able to blend in with the pirates a bit – and the pirates will have to come to grips with their villainy – as the lines blur between who’s who!

To tell you the truth – even though I came up with these off the top of my head – some of these sound like they could be pretty good. It actually scares me a little. I’m not saying these are original ideas – or whatever – but they have potential – and if you put some “creative” minds along with my insane one – you might get something amazing out of some of these.

Any of them you’d watch?